St Valentine's Day Mascara

For those of without partners, lovers or admirers, St Valentine’s Day is spent wrapped in an overcoat of cynicism. The commercialisation! The shop-bought sentiments! Who, they say, would want to receive those? Yet underneath peeks a lacy trim of romantic petticoat which rustles ‘I would, I would.’

Maybe not the red ‘satin-look’ Ann Summers underwear, or the small fur fabric red devil with ‘Sexy Beast’ embroidered on its chest - but a floral tribute of some kind, yes that would be acceptable.

But to admit that would make them traitors to their singledom, their independent nature and so they roll their eyes and curl a lip each time they spot a flushed, dewy-eyed recipient cradling her bouquet of over-priced, greenhouse-forced blooms on the tube home.
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How much worse it is though for those who do have a ‘special person’ in their lives. At least the singletons know that they’re not going to get anything whereas PWPs (people with partners) suffer the uncertainty of whether they will or not and if they do, if it will be a gift to surprise and delight or a predictable pre-packaged trinket for which they will have to show unending gratitude because ‘it’s the thought that counts.’

There are those couples that eschew the whole Valentine’s thing. They don’t need a particular date in the calendar to prompt them to be romantic, to show their love for each other. They’ll be carrying on as normal, maybe having a takeaway and watching a DVD in the evening, followed by lazy half-hearted sex. (It’s always those that choose the quiet night in and those that never have wild nights out anyway.)

Of course some go to the other extreme – fly to a cold, grey Paris for the weekend, have their pubic hair professionally trimmed into a heart shape, truss themselves up with furry handcuffs and smear each others bodies with chocolate flavoured paint like faux copraphiliacs. (Usually those that look better clothed than naked.)

Whichever bracket you fall into, there’s one thing to remember on Valentine’s Day and that is, whether through disappointment or joy, tears will be shed. So always wear waterproof mascara.