Yule Blog Part II - the food issue

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without the traditional dinner and accompaniments. Which brings me to another repeated yuletide misjudgement, otherwise known as the reverse miracle - rather than feeding 5,000 people with a few loaves and fishes it entails just four people attempting to eat enough food for 5,000.

This begins with the festive food shopping, so it was that on December 23rd I set off on a solo mission to Sainsbury’s Savacentre, armed with a list and a hired Ford KA and a bundle of bags for life as back-up. Two hours, 170 quid and 10 carrier bags later and my work was done.

Back home I ferried the bags from the boot of the car, through the flat and to the kitchen and then crammed the perishables into the fridge in readiness for the big day. I was very tempted to try some of my tasty hoard but I held back, there might not be enough to go round if I started tucking in.

Christmas morning saw me reversing the process, emptying the fridge and filling the car boot with bags of food and drink to take down to my mothers and when I got there, once again out from the boot and into another fridge. But wait, there was something missing, I’d forgotten to buy the sausages wrapped in bacon. My reputation was in tatters, a vital ingredient of the meal was absent and there’d be nothing but disappointed faces around the table. Back in the car for a quick rekkie around the area hope was at hand, the Budgens at the petrol station was open. I grabbed a packet of streaky bacon and the last pack of mini sausages and joined the queue of relieved individuals clutching tubs of gravy granules, jars of cranberry sauce and other forgotten key items.

As it turned out my turkey dinner was a triumph. The M&S starters were also very well received, as was the cold supper. I managed to introduce my mother to some new foods – spring rolls with sweet chilli sauce, lobster mousse, garlic sausage and coronation rice. Although familiar to most people, my mum’s reaction to them was like that of Elizabeth I when presented with the potato – suspicion followed closely by delight. The duck pate with orange was a step too far though and remained untouched.

Also untouched were two Christmas puddings, a dozen mince pies, a box of dates, two boxes of After Eights, three tubes of Pringles, a tub of double cream, a bag of mixed nuts, a bunch of grapes, a bowl of satsumas, a box of Turkish Delight, a tin of shortbread biscuits, a gammon joint and a Christmas cake (except for one slice).

By the time I was ready to return to London, I’d consumed so much food that I could have hibernated until Easter and still have needed to lose 10 pounds by the time I awoke.

So now I begin the year, as always, overdrawn and overweight.