Feeling Dishormonious

My desk at work resembles a sub-branch of Holland & Barrett. No family photos or desk toys for me, just jar upon jar of 'natural remedies' that can 'help women through their monthly cycle'.

There's Vitamin B6, Evening Primrose Oil, Black Kohosh, Red Clover & Starflower Oil. I've got more supplements than the Sunday Times (and they're getting a bollocking tomorrow when I phone them up to complain about being woken up at 3.10 am this morning when the paper was thrust through my letter box, landing heavily in the hall, waking both myself and the cat and then slamming the front gate behind them.)

Do these remedies work? Are my symptoms alleviated? Due to being on holiday from work and having my routine broken, I completely forgot to take any all week (forgetfulness being one such symptom). At the end of the week I now find myself having flushes that would win many a hand of poker and the kind of irritability you'd expect from an overtired three year old. Dear reader, my hormones are in disarray.

Add to that a child who not only got mugged on his birthday last wednesday, but phoned this evening to tell me that a) he nearly set his nan's flat on fire last night when he fell asleep after drunkenly putting a pizza in the oven and b) he's run out of money and can I send some more. I've got runner beans, courgettes, rhubarb and tomatoes growing in my garden but I'm afraid the garden centre were fresh out of money trees. it'll be back down to Barclays with the balaclava and the shotgun tomorrow then.

I shall keep calm and carry on.

Fear not, this is but a temporary blip for I have now swallowed a week's worth of supplements, washed down with a generous Baileys coffee. Thence to the front room (is it common to say 'front room', should I say 'lounge' instead?), where I will sit Florence on my lap and breathe to the rhythym of her purrs whilst I watch a film starring Al Pacino. One where he doesn't die in the end. Oh hang on, there aren't any. Perhaps I'll settle for an old episode of Flog It instead.